Mom's Health - Jill - 12/8/10

I'm sending this out and I hope it doesn't sound too depressing or negative. However, I felt that you needed to know some of my feelings, feelings of hope and love, and feelings of loss and hopelessness.
You can share this with your family members as you see fit...or wait and hope for a better tomorrow...your choice... Love Jill

12/8/10
Today has been a long one for me. I’m glad I was able to sit with Mom this morning until the doctors came and did the TTE and cardio (heart shock), and then did the carotid artery ultrasound and venus map. It’s been hard sitting in Mom’s room and watching as they have poked her, prodded her, gassed her, etc. The medications and anesthesia have caused Mom to sleep all day. She hasn’t really eaten anything all day because she was to have “nothing by mouth” before her tests, and then all she wanted after the tests was water and grape juice, which they wouldn’t give her enough of because she was a “congestive heart patient”.
She reacted to the anesthesia that they gave her during her TTE and her oxygen levels dropped quite low. They had to assist her breathing with a bi-pap machine (a c-pap machine used for sleep apnea opens airways to allow greater breathing, but a bi-pap machine opens airways and ALSO forces air down into the lungs to help them breathe a little bit better until the patient becomes more alert and can breathe on their own). She was on the bi-pap most of the afternoon until she became more alert and was trying to pull it off. So they switched her to the oxygen nose thingy, which she kept on for about 2 hours with the oxygen going at full level. However, she was unable to keep her oxygen levels above 89, especially when they tried to let her lay on her side, so they laid her on her back and put the bi-pap machine back on her at 80% oxygen. She continued to sleep some more...
Results of the tests: The TTE revealed about the same as the angiogram. Her aortic heart valve is between moderate and severe (2 being normal and 4 being severe... hers was 3.5). They were able to shock her heart back into regular rhythm after two shocks. It has stayed in rhythm all night except for about 15 seconds when it seemed to go totally out of rhythm and jumped up to 110-113. Then after about a minute, it gradually worked its way back down to normal rhythm at 78-80. We should get the results of the ultrasounds tomorrow...
Curt and Bret gave her a blessing tonight. She seemed in good spirits when she was awake, but did seem to be hurting in her stomach, which the nurse felt may be extra air in her stomach that had been forced down into her stomach from the bi-pap machine. They were going to send a tube down her nose to suction out the air from her stomach, but decided instead to give her morphine for the pain. She went to sleep again before we left around 9:15 PM.
I was disturbed to hear a comment from the internist, Dr. Wade, who mentioned that she might not make it out of the hospital. When asked what she needed to do to get out of ICU, he said she could probably come out of ICU now, but with her health considerations, it’s probably best to keep her in ICU so that she gets the extra attention (the nurses and doctors really have been very kind and attentive). He said she could probably go home if she pushed it, but she’d probably have to go home with hospice. I don't know if he was talking off the cuff, or had good reason to say so. I can't think he would have said that if he hadn't seen others in the same situation. It made me wonder how many of the other doctors are thinking the same thing but just don't want to say so...
With the speed in which she has deteriorated health-wise, some of us have conjectured whether this could be Mom’s time to go. Her stats look good right now, but it wasn't until today that we discovered that she hasn't had good kidney function since she's been in the hospital, she's got congestive heart disease...again, lungs that are slowly collapsing at the bottom because they aren't getting enough air to push the air pockets out, and a heart valve that will not be able to push that blood through until it's replaced. But she doesn't have the strength right now to undergo surgery. We all still hope for the upturn, and you never know what can happen, but we realize with great sadness that it could be her turn to leave us and be with Dad. We do NOT want her to go, and would LOVE to see her up and in a much better condition tomorrow morning. No matter what, we want the Lord’s will to be done and we are at peace with that.
Having said that, Mom can be a real fighter when she wants to be, and if she feels like she wants to fight this long extensive battle, I know she can do it. But she needs to feel everyone's love and concern at this time.